When Your Heart Goes Into Protective Mode

As a first responder, you’ve witnessed things most people will never see—scenes that would stop others in their tracks.

Your emotional system does what it can to protect you from this overwhelming exposure. It develops ways to cope—to keep you functioning when the unthinkable becomes routine. But sometimes, this protection comes at a cost: A gradual dampening of all emotions, not just the difficult ones.

If you’ve noticed that things that used to bring you joy don’t quite hit the same way anymore, or if you feel like you’re watching your life from the outside looking in, you’re not alone. Emotional numbing is a common response to the intense material first responders encounter, and it’s your mind’s way of trying to shield you from overwhelm.

The challenge is that when we block out the painful emotions, we often block out the positive ones too. Laughter feels muted, celebrations feel distant, and connections with loved ones can feel shallow. Protecting yourself from this emotional numbing requires understanding what’s happening and taking deliberate steps to process your experiences.

 

What it Actually Means to “Process” an Experience

Think of your emotional system like a water filtration plant.

When challenging experiences come through, they need to be properly “processed” before they can move through your system without causing blockages. But what does this processing actually look like in practice?

Processing tough experiences means doing a few key things to keep your emotional system working properly:

• Feeling the feeling in the moment

Allowing yourself to experience emotions as they arise, rather than immediately shutting them down or disconnecting from them. This might mean acknowledging the anger you feel after a particularly difficult callout or recognising the sadness that comes with witnessing someone’s final moments.

• Staying connected to your body and present moment

Preventing dissociation during difficult experiences. This means noticing your breathing, feeling your feet on the ground, or using grounding techniques to stay anchored even when what you’re experiencing feels overwhelming.

• Letting your body complete its natural response

Allowing physical and emotional reactions to run their course. Your body might need to shake off the adrenaline, cry to release grief, or express anger to discharge frustration.

• Making sense of the experience afterwards 

Putting words to what happened, connecting it to meaning, or consciously placing it in the past. This might involve talking through an incident with someone you trust—or writing about it—to understand how it fits into your larger life story.

When you’re regularly exposed to challenging material without effective processing, that’s when your emotional system starts to struggle. It’s like having a filtration plant that’s constantly backed up—eventually, something’s got to give.

 

When Processing Breaks Down: Two Paths Your System Takes

Your emotional system is remarkably adaptive. But when it’s overwhelmed by unprocessed material, it essentially has two options: become more sensitive to detect threats earlier, or shut down to protect you from feeling too much. Neither path is ideal, but understanding them helps explain what might be happening in your own experience.

The first path—known as “hyperarousal”—is what most people associate with trauma responses. Your system becomes hyper-vigilant, constantly scanning for danger.

A paramedic might hear the screech of brakes and immediately feel their heart racing, even when they’re safely at home. A firefighter might smell smoke from a neighbour’s barbecue and feel their body prepare for emergency mode.

These reactions happen before conscious thought kicks in; your body is trying to protect you by staying constantly alert.

The second path—known as “hypoarousal” or numbing—is less obvious but equally problematic. Recent research shows that exposure to traumatic situations can also cause the body to shut down, creating a state of emotional numbness that affects your ability to feel and connect with others.1

This emotional numbing might show up as:

• Emotional blunting

Emotions feel muted or completely absent, even in situations where strong feelings would be natural.2 You might find yourself unmoved by your child’s graduation or feel nothing during what should be a romantic moment with your partner.

• Dissociation or detachment

A sense that you’re not fully present in your own life. You might feel like you’re watching yourself from the outside, going through the motions but not really engaging.3 Some first responders describe it as feeling like they’re “on autopilot” even during personal time.

• Blunted reward response

Activities that once brought pleasure—playing sports, spending time with mates, or enjoying hobbies—no longer feel rewarding or motivating.4 It’s not that you dislike these activities; they just don’t “light you up” the way they used to.

These changes aren’t just in your head—they’re actually happening in your brain. Studies show that exposure to traumatic situations can change how your brain processes emotions, like someone turning down the volume dial on your entire emotional range.5

 

When Survival Mode Becomes Your Default

In first responder work, emotional numbing often begins as a necessary survival strategy. You learn to compartmentalise during difficult calls, maintain composure when families are falling apart around you, and stay professional under pressure that would break most people.

This ability to “switch off” emotions can be genuinely life-saving in emergency situations. The problem arises when this survival mode becomes your default setting, extending far beyond work situations into your personal life.

This emotional numbing can begin to take a toll in several areas:

• Relationship difficulties

When partners, children, or friends feel like they can’t reach you emotionally. They might describe feeling like they’re talking to a wall or complain that you’re “not really there” even when you’re physically present.

• Physical symptoms

Stress and unprocessed emotions get stored in the body.6 You might experience chronic tension, headaches, digestive issues, or sleep problems as your body holds onto all the emotional charge that hasn’t been properly processed.

• Mental health impacts

Can include depression, anxiety, or a general sense that life has lost its colour. When the emotional numbing extends to positive emotions, it can feel like you’re living in grayscale rather than full colour.

• Loss of meaning and purpose

Can happen when work stops feeling rewarding and the things you used to enjoy don’t bring satisfaction anymore. You might start questioning whether you chose the right career or feel like you’ve lost your sense of purpose.

The irony is that the very mechanism designed to protect you from emotional overwhelm can end up stealing your ability to experience the full richness of life—both the challenging and the beautiful moments.

 

The Path Back: Relearning How to Feel

The encouraging news is that emotional numbing isn’t a permanent condition. Your brain’s remarkable capacity for change—called neuroplasticity—means you can relearn how to feel, name, and express emotions safely.

Think of it like rehabilitating an injured muscle: With the right approach and consistent practice, you can gradually restore your emotional range and responsiveness.

Recovery from emotional numbing usually involves a few different approaches that work well together. These can help you reconnect with your emotions while building better ways to handle tough experiences.

 

Peer Debriefing

Peer debriefing programs, where first responders come together to process difficult incidents, can be particularly powerful. When colleagues share their experiences and reactions, it normalises the emotional impact of the work and builds a shared language for discussing difficult feelings.

These conversations help break down the culture of stoicism that sometimes prevents first responders from acknowledging their emotions. For example, when a respected colleague admits they were affected by a particular call, it gives others permission to acknowledge their own reactions.

 

Emotional Awareness

Many first responders have become experts at suppressing emotions but may need to rebuild their emotional vocabulary and awareness.

Research by neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman shows that simply labelling emotions—what he calls “name it to tame it”—can reduce activity in the brain’s alarm centre (the amygdala) and help you process emotional responses healthily.7

When you can say “I’m feeling frustrated and disappointed about that call,” rather than just “I feel bad,” you’re already beginning to process the experience more effectively.

 

Expressive Writing

Psychologist James Pennebaker’s groundbreaking research on expressive writing shows remarkable benefits from a surprisingly simple practice.

Writing about emotional experiences for just 15-20 minutes, a few times per week, can lead to measurable improvements in immunity, reduced anxiety and depressive symptoms, and enhanced emotional processing.8

You don’t need to be a great writer—it’s simply about getting your feelings down on paper. You might write about a tough call, how your work is affecting you overall, or just jot down what you’re feeling as it happens.

 

Mindfulness and Body-Based Practices

Mindfulness helps you notice what you’re feeling—both emotionally and physically—without judging yourself for it. This can be really helpful when you’re trying to reconnect with feelings that have gone quiet.

Likewise, body-based practices focus on how your physical self holds onto emotions. This might mean noticing where you carry stress in your body, learning breathing techniques that calm your system, or using movement to help release emotions that have gotten stuck.

If you’re not sure where to start, try our 2-minute body scan—it’s a short, simple way to begin mindfully reconnecting with your body immediately.

 

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Instead of trying to get rid of painful feelings or control them, ACT teaches you to notice them without letting them knock you over. This flexibility is really useful for first responders who need to keep functioning even when dealing with difficult emotions.

ACT helps you shift from trying to control your feelings to simply acknowledging them while still choosing how you want to respond. This approach works particularly well for first responders who face highly stressful situations regularly.9

 

Reconnecting With What Matters

Emotional numbing might feel like protection, but it comes at the cost of experiencing life’s full spectrum—including joy, connection, and meaning. The journey back to emotional responsiveness isn’t about becoming vulnerable to every difficult experience; it’s about developing the skills to process challenges effectively while remaining open to life’s rewards.

This process takes time and patience with yourself. Just as you wouldn’t expect a physical injury to heal overnight, emotional recovery unfolds gradually. Some days you might feel more connected to your emotions, while others might feel more distant—this fluctuation is normal and part of the healing process.

By learning to process tough experiences while staying open to life’s good moments, you’re doing more than just protecting your own wellbeing. You’re showing colleagues that it’s okay to deal with emotions in healthy ways—and you’re showing your loved ones that even the strongest people need to look after their emotional health.

 

References

1. Terpou, B. A., Harricharan, S., McKinnon, M. C., Frewen, P., Jetly, R., & Lanius, R. A. (2019). The effects of trauma on brain and body: A unifying role for the midbrain periaqueductal gray. Journal of Neuroscience Research, 97(9), 1110-1140.
2. Hopper, J. W., Frewen, P. A., van der Kolk, B. A., & Lanius, R. A. (2007). Neural correlates of reexperiencing, avoidance, and dissociation in PTSD: Symptom dimensions and emotion dysregulation in responses to script‐driven trauma imagery. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 20(5), 713-725.
3. Spiegel, D., Loewenstein, R. J., Lewis‐Fernández, R., Sar, V., Simeon, D., Vermetten, E., … & Dell, P. F. (2011). Dissociative disorders in DSM‐5. Depression and Anxiety, 28(9), 824-852.
4. Sailer, U., Robinson, S., Fischmeister, F. P. S., König, D., Oppenauer, C., Lueger-Schuster, B., … & Bauer, H. (2008). Altered reward processing in the nucleus accumbens and mesial prefrontal cortex of patients with posttraumatic stress disorder. Neuropsychologia, 46(11), 2836-2844.
5. Duek, O., Seidemann, R., Pietrzak, R. H., & Harpaz-Rotem, I. (2023). Distinguishing emotional numbing symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder from major depressive disorder. Journal of Affective Disorders, 324, 294-299.
6. Van der Kolk, B. (2015). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin.
7. Torre, J. B., & Lieberman, M. D. (2018). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling as implicit emotion regulation. Emotion Review, 10(2), 116-124.
8. Pennebaker, J. W., & Seagal, J. D. (1999). Forming a story: The health benefits of narrative. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 55(10), 1243-1254.